My Lowest Point
These pictures were taken on the Scentsy Incentive Trip in 2015 to Tenerife. I was at the heaviest weight I ever had been at almost 270lbs. Before the end of that year I had this list of health problems:
-Plantar Fasciitis in my left foot making it very very painful to walk
-Sciatica in my left hip
-Severe Acid Reflux (Had to Take Medicine)
-Anxiety (This particular Scentsy trip I was so anxious about it I was throwing up 2 weeks before)
-Sleep Apnea (Had to wear a CPAP machine)
-Borderline Pre-Diabetic (I was like .2 away)
-Anti phospholipid Antibodies (No cure)
Looking at this list and especially having to wear the CPAP machine upset me so much (I HATED SLEEPING WITH THAT MACHINE) that I knew I had to make a change. Everything was falling apart in my Scentsy Biz around this time too--go figure. I had dipped down from Director to Superstar Consultant which was I found devastating and after earning 4 incentive trips in a row I didn't earn the next one. I was pretty freaking upset and couldnt get out of bed for weeks. Tenerife I actually was getting anxiety attacks about two weeks before because I was so worried about being around the other Scentsy consultants as I didn't feel good enough being around them. I felt worse when I didn't earn the next incentive cause I was using these incentives as a way to feel better about myself and to try and tell myself that I wasn't failing in Scentsy. But you can earn these incentives and actually not have very strong foundations in your business. You can earn these incentives without actually putting your team members first and having a heart of service. My shame and comparison got to the point where I couldn't even see any photos of non related Scentsy posts on Facebook (even like pics of their cat) without bursting into tears. I tried to unfollow people's posts and still kept people on my friends list but things would still pop up in my feed or I'd go and actually search for them to see what they were up to. Its like my subconscious was looking for reasons for me to suck---Oh Look Christine this justify's you're a crappy consultant. I would also see these other consultants how they'd interact with others on Facebook vs myself. I'd like/comment on their posts and would find it upsetting how I would get no response in return although they'd make efforts with others. I felt like I wasn't good enough for them to talk to and that people only wanted to be friends with those who could benefit them or their biz somehow. I'd also heard some unkind things sadly some other consultants had said about some other consultants and their numbers and demoting from Director to Superstar Consultant and had even been told in past by other consultants that they didn't care what I had to say because I wasn't a Superstar Director in 3 months. I was afraid and embarrassed to tell anyone about what I was dealing with for fear of criticism and being looked down on. All this just compounded my feelings of shame and guilt. So I unfriended most people from Scentsy on Facebook including Heidi and Orville the owners. Heidi and Orville's pages people are constantly posting their successes so it was like the mother ship of triggers for me. I only kept a handful of people besides my team. Even those handful I had to turn off their feeds because I'd find it so upsetting.
I also took a break from events because obviously how on earth could I cope with being around these people in real life if I couldn't handle even their cat pics on Facebook. My Health was an additional reason plus financial ones why I stepped back. I had been using credit cards to pay for these events because I was so broke and felt like if I didn't go I'd be failing somehow. Even the incentive trips although they were free I was using credit cards to have enough clothes to go. When I earned the Mediterranean Cruise my clothes situation was dire. I owned two Scentsy T-shirts and one pair of trousers that's it. I ended up spending over £200 on shopping on a credit card just so I could have clothes that weren't super hot for the Mediterranean Sea. I needed a dress for a special dinner and a swimsuit too--again credit card. Plus my partner and I didn't even have money for the Gatwick/Heathrow Express to get to the airport or spending money. When I earned Cancun I was secretly given £100 by another consultant because I didn't have enough spending money for myself to go and do the excursions I wanted (or any excursions really). That trip was one of my best trips ever as I managed to get out and see Coba and Chichen Itza and would have never had that experience except for the kindness of another consultant. So I went into debt for a lot of things with Scentsy. My partner and I at the time made a decision that we would be paying off over £15k in credit card debt in addition to getting our health sorted. So I told myself that I wouldn't be going to any further events until I could pay for them in cash no matter how long it took.
In 2 years we've paid all but 1.5k off of the 15k in credit card debt by working very hard and yes my Scentsy commissions have helped whittle this number down. Finances are getting better by the day. We started working very hard on our health and eating and within 4-5 months I was off the CPAP machine because I had lost enough weight. My plantar fasciitis and other things were starting to disappear too. I realised very quickly that I had an eating disorder---sugar addiction, binge eating and that would need to treat this like a proper addiction and do the work to heal this. I had been working in another 12 steps program and upped my work on the steps with this and ended up finding a lot of healing. I attend/attended Overeaters Anonymous and Underearners Anonymous meetings to work on my relationship with money and food. With the 12 steps--especially some of the steps regarding resentments and forgiveness I managed to let go of a lot of stuff I was feeling about Scentsy that felt like a tonne of bricks had been lifted. I read non stop self help books, listened to audio books, podcasts, Oprah super soul sunday---anything I could get my hands on for my spirit in addition to 12 step meetings. I also upped my service quite a bit in the community. I started volunteering at the local food bank and soup kitchen every month. The volunteering was one of my most powerful things to help heal the hurt I was feeling in my heart. Getting outside of all my thoughts and seeing how bad others have it really helped shift my perspective on how blessed I truly was. No matter how low you feel there is always someone who has it worse off.
The eating hasn't been easy. I went from binge eating most days to maybe once or twice a month. Its getting more rare though and improving daily and I know one day soon I will be sober with eating. I started running again and started a challenge set by Mark Zuckerburg for 365 miles for the year and currently on 130 miles so far. I used to be an avid runner before loads of stuff hit both my partner and I that was really hard to pick ourselves up from. James my partner and I try to eat a mostly plant based diet with the odd treat like a pizza or something and sometimes meat. I've had to learn how to be good with sugar as its a big trigger for me. I've signed up for a half marathon in October and running about 12-15 miles a week. At the end of May James and I did our first 10k and had our personal best time (click to read and see how I look now). What made this race even more special was the fact that in January 2017 James had a brain aneurysm and nearly died. For him to be doing a 10k 5 months was a big blessing and a real testament to prayer.
I went to the doctors a month or two back and got a health check and blood tests and I've managed to reverse my numbers all bar one. So no more borderline high trigyclerides, borderline pre-diabetes, etc, etc. My depression and anxiety spells are getting few and far between especially with exercise and meditation and the more weight I lose. I have gone down nearly two sizes in clothes since the Tenerife picture and feel so much more joyful on the inside which is showing in my outside me. We've started gratitude journals and try very hard to focus on what's going good rather than what's bad. Things aren't perfect but we have made huge strides. My partner James joined this health journey with me and he's gone from 72 pills a day to one and looking to be discharged from the diabetes unit as he's reversed his Type 2 diabetes. Service, Working on Your spirit, Forgiveness, Plant Based Food, Meditation, Prayer and Exercise will completely change your life in every way. We still have our days when we get off track or get overwhelmed or depressed or discouraged but we keep trying to pick ourselves back up every time and start again. That's all you can do is just keep picking yourself up and pressing restart and hopefully in becomes less and less that you have to start again.
I havent earned an incentive since Tenerife but I know that there's a reason for everything and the universe was forcing me to focus on myself for a little while. My Scentsy team is the smallest its been but I'm learning to embrace it and be grateful for each and every person. You have to embrace where you're at before you can move forward. So many people tell you that you must be very careful about what image you want to portray to potential teamies and customers as people want the image, the perfect life, the perfect team leader who will help them get to Director in 2 months. So I wasnt sure about sharing all this really as it could put someone off from joining my team--blah blah. I did try that for the longest time to portray the perfect image and I felt like I was being fake and very inauthentic. Although I wont completely blast you with all my woes and worries all the time as there's obviously a balance I think being honest helps others know that its ok to be imperfect especially in their Scentsy journey. This isn't easy to run your own business and its ok to screw up, its ok to not be one of those that hits Director in 2 months. I had to teach myself that my self esteem wasn't dependent on what numbers, titles and trips I was getting. When I started working on the inside and out and building self esteem it helped an awful lot with this. Working on yourself is HUGE for this, really huge. So many people look to external stuff to fix their problems and the only thing that will fix what you are coping with is going inside. I heard Oprah say once that Fix your Insides and your outsides will follow---which I can sure testify to this as its been happening with me!!!
I went to my first event this year---World Premiere in Feb 2017. I wasnt able to stay for the whole time but it was a huge step for me to even be there. I look forward to being able to get to more events. I've started refriending some Scentsy leaders and even Heidi and Orville on Facebook that I know would be supportive of me and have actually been able to look at incentive trip photos of others without bursting into tears. AH.....what mind, body, spirit work will do for you. I know that its just a matter of time before I get back up to Director and am earning incentive trips again. These are only a very small part of my journey really. I'm a much better leader and have a level of compassion and resilience that many dont who have quickly risen to the top. Who I'm becoming is a very strong leader and someone who truly understands about lifting themselves up out of very hard things.
This is just the beginning of my journey really...I have so much still to go with my Scentsy Biz and my health but have come so far. Its one reason why I started this Life your Best Life hashtag and section of my website because of how intertwined improving your overall life is with success in Scentsy and even the products really---I mean Scentsy is all about bringing relaxation and peace to your house and I want to make this even bigger with making your life as best as you can. . Please know that its never too late to turn things around with your life, your biz, your health----anything. My partner and I are testaments to that. Be sure to subscribe to the blog or follow me on Facebook to keep up on our journey!!